By: Kendall Upton
Rachel Stoermer
Balancing parenting and nursing school: Tips for students
According to a recent report from the American Council on Education (ACE), 18% of the current undergraduate student population are parents. If we assume that the statistic for undergraduate nursing programs is comparable, that means just under a fifth of all nursing students are parents.
This category of nontraditional students is a significant one, and nursing students who are parents must endure unique challenges as they pursue their degree. Balancing parenting and nursing school may seem daunting, but a conscientious strategy for navigating this academic period can lead to a rewarding career for you and your family.
Challenges faced by nursing students who are parents
Earning any kind of college degree as a parent not only presents unique challenges to students but can also exacerbate the challenges everyone expects of higher education: lots of studying and little time to get it all done, sleep deprivation, busy schedules and so on.
One study found that some of the common consequences of balancing the dual role of parent and nursing student included lower academic performance, fatigue, time management challenges, financial strain and more. Even with many nursing programs conducting classes online, students still must complete in-person clinical rotations which require finding childcare.
Rachel Stoermer, RN, RRT, JD, is a Doctor of Nursing Practice (DNP) candidate at the University of Washington. After making a career change several years ago, she completed a bachelor’s degree in respiratory care followed by an Accelerated Bachelor of Science in Nursing (ABSN). With two sons in elementary school, she’s now pursuing a doctorate.
“I think that the challenge with nursing school—and with any healthcare program—is the clinical shifts. They’re different every quarter, they’re often long days where sometimes you’re gone really early or you’re gone really late. You don’t necessarily get your schedule very far in advance, so it’s tough to work around. That was definitely the biggest challenge,” Stoermer said.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that some parents have full-time jobs that can be just as demanding as pursuing a college degree, perhaps more. Whether going back to school automatically takes up more of your time is all about perspective.
“Prior to going back to school, I had been working full time in the tech industry—which is usually more than full time—and in a lot of ways, it actually made it much easier to spend time with my kids when I was in school because so much of what you’re doing is at home,” Stoermer said. “I could be doing homework while they were coloring, for example.”
Being a parent in nursing school can even be advantageous in some instances.
“When I was doing things like a pediatric rotation or a NICU [neonatal intensive care unit] rotation—my first kid was premature and spent a month in the NICU—so I knew just what it was like to be the family in that situation. And little side comments by your nurse is something you might dwell on for weeks, so it did give me a lot more perspective and an ability to work better with families.”
Tips for parents in nursing school
In spite of the challenges that being a parent in nursing school presents, student parents make it work every day. If you’re considering going to nursing school (or are already enrolled), consider some of these strategies that may mitigate some of these challenges.
Set realistic expectations
Balancing the responsibilities of parenthood and pursuing a nursing degree can be challenging, without a doubt. Tradeoffs are inevitable, and you may not always be able to give 110% of your effort towards both. It may be helpful to set more realistic expectations about your school performance to prevent disappointment and unnecessary stress.
It may be helpful to set more realistic expectations about your school performance to prevent disappointment and unnecessary stress.
It may be helpful to set more realistic expectations about your school performance to prevent disappointment and unnecessary stress.
“I think for a lot of parents they may have a standard that they remembered from the last time they were in school, and they remember being really diligent students,” Stoermer said. “You might just not have the time to do that. You might have to accept that you’re not going to be a 4.0 student anymore. And it won’t be true for everybody, but I know that I found I really like having the weekend to spend with my kids, and not studying on the weekend means I just have less time to study.”
Conversely, there may be times when you have to put school first. If you expect these compromises—say, missing a few basketball games or concert recitals—you’ll be better off when it comes time to make them.
Involve your child(ren)
Tell your kids about why you’re going back to school, what you’re excited about, what’s difficult—whatever you can to help them feel a part of the journey with you.
“Something that worked really well for me was letting my kids feel invested in the process,” Stoermer said. “I spent a lot of time talking to them about what I was doing and what I was nervous about, and I think that helped them not resent the times that I missed their soccer game. And it also made them feel excited when I was making progress.”
To this end, Stoermer also said that she chose one of her sons to be a part of the pinning ceremony when she completed her ABSN. In this nursing graduation tradition, the graduate chooses someone close to them to join them onstage and place a graduation pin upon the graduate. “It was cool that they felt like they were part of the process with me.”
Don’t shy away from asking for help
Kids get sick and have to stay home. The babysitter cancels. It’s a half-day at school and you need to pick up your child early. Life happens, and parents in nursing school must be willing to ask for help when they need it.
“I think there’s also still this idea that every clinical shift is a job interview, and you might be afraid to ask your clinical instructor, ‘Can I leave early?’ or, ‘Can I reschedule?’ because you don’t want that to reflect poorly on you as an employee a year or two down the road,” Stoermer said.
Nursing programs want you to succeed and graduate, so it’s in their interest to provide accommodations for students when possible. Most programs are also not strangers to the demands of parenthood and try to work with you when asked.
Nurture a strong support system
You don’t have to brave this journey alone. Developing a dependable support system is crucial for preventing burnout and withstanding the challenges of going back to school as a parent. Friends and family are not only an invaluable outlet for emotional support, but you may also need to lean on them for childcare assistance.
Consider also joining nursing clubs at school or even just forming a study group among your peers. All the better if you can connect with other student parents who relate to what you’re going through. Students who feel connected and supported are more likely to be successful in school.
Academic advisers can even be a part of your support network. If you’re struggling academically or need certain accommodations, go to your academic advisers for help. They should be able to connect you with campus resources such as tutoring services.
If the stressors of parenthood and school feel overwhelming and lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety, consider seeking mental health support from a therapist or counselor. Many schools even have counseling services available specifically for students.
Going back to school with kids: Is it right for me?
Earning a college degree as a parent is a huge decision, and it can be difficult to know if it’s a path that’s right for you.
“[Nursing school] is always going to involve some tradeoffs for everybody, but I think it’s starker when you have kids. I definitely missed a lot of soccer games when I was at clinical shifts,” Stoermer said.
Understanding the tradeoffs you’ll have to make is key to your decision. Are you willing to make some sacrifices as a parent that you wouldn’t otherwise? And conversely—are you willing to advocate for yourself and your children when necessary?
“A lot of nursing schools are so competitive that I think parents are sometimes afraid to ask for accommodations because they don’t want to make themselves look like a worse candidate,” Stoermer said. “When they’re looking at programs, they might be afraid to even ask something like, ‘Can I change a clinical rotation if the commute makes it so I can’t pick up my kids from daycare?’ I think it’s truer in the application stage. At least the programs I’ve been in, once you’re in they clearly want you to finish.”
While it’s true that the application process and acceptance rates of some nursing schools can be competitive, applicants shouldn’t assume that their status as a parent automatically hurts their chances of acceptance. Many schools value the experiences that parents bring to the table, and it can be a positive reflection of your character that you are applying to school as a parent in the first place. And besides—if a school truly isn’t flexible enough to accommodate schedule changes for your children, then it’s probably not a good fit anyway.
